By Kachina Myers
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If you were raised to...
Be a financial innocent, you learned to never talk about money, possibly because it was considered impolite, crude, or unladylike.
Today you might: Intentionally avoid bank statements, bills, and money negotiations—including asking for raises at work. It may also affect the way you shop: You don't compare prices for the best deal or bargain-hunt.
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Your new goal: Become an empowered consumer and negotiator, a woman who can ask tough—or possibly embarrassing—questions.
Your first steps:
- Ask financial questions of those around you: "Could you tell me what you paid for that?" If someone mentions a "deal," ask how they got it. No, the Internet doesn't count; you need human-to-human practice.
- Ask for a raise. Even if you don't get it, that's okay—keep at it. Try not to go back to your previous behavior of being a "polite" and "good" girl by not asking for more.
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If you were raised to…
Be an overspender, you learned to use money and spending as a way to regulate your mood.
Today you might: Take your emotional issues out on your credit card at the mall. If you're sad, you shop for a boost; if you're happy, you shop as a reward. Both are temporary highs that can lead to buyer's remorse.
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Your new goal: You need to disconnect your spending from your emotions, and feel good about yourself without relying on a credit card.
Your first steps:
- Learn to recognize an emotional buy: That's when you feel as though you need an item right now. For some people it's an addiction, so you'll think you can't live without those shoes. Literally.
- When faced with the impulse to shop, make a commitment to say "not now." Revisit the decision in a week. The key is to recognize the addictive response and delay the purchase.
If you were raised to…
Be a poverty addict, you learned to penny-pinch and treat money like a necessary evil—and something you'll never have enough of.
Today you might… Deny yourself fun (but reasonable) buys like a drink at dinner. Shopping might stress you out, so you make hasty decisions, and your mantra is "I can't afford it."
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Your new goal: Take a step back from your budget and breathe. Look calmly at what you have, and work to resolve conflicting or anxious feelings that having more for yourself is selfish and bad.
Your first steps:
- Change the statement "I can't afford it" to "I can't afford it… right now." Write down your priorities and how you'll accomplish them—even if it means getting a raise—and start a savings account for reasonable fun, like a weekend away.
- Allow yourself some nonpractical, purely-for-pleasure purchases that won't hurt your budget: an inexpensive pair of earrings or a movie ticket. Ease yourself in!
If you were raised to…
Be money-codependent, you put others' needs before your own as a way to be loved.
Today you might: Pay your deadbeat boyfriend's half of the rent, offer to buy everyone's drinks when coworkers go out, and run up a huge credit card bill.
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Your new goal: To value yourself as much as you value others, which might mean learning to manage your debt or just save more money.
Your first steps:
- Identify three fiscal priorities just for you, such as saving for a trip or cutting down debt. Then make a budget that includes those things, which will help validate the importance of spending money on yourself, not others. Don't give up these things to pay for what someone else wants.
- Attend to any debt by consolidating it or paying down your highest-interest debts first. You may want to join Debtors Anonymous meetings or speak with a financial counselor for help to attain your goals.
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